


A Capitol Plan

by theoofoof



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: F/M, Post The Undiscovered Country, Reunion Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-18
Updated: 2020-06-18
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:41:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24795586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theoofoof/pseuds/theoofoof
Summary: On separate getaways in their nation's capital, Olivia and Rafael cross paths for the first time in eighteen months...
Relationships: Rafael Barba/Olivia Benson
Comments: 11
Kudos: 87





	A Capitol Plan

**Author's Note:**

> This was kind of inspired by Noel Coward’s play, ‘Private Lives’. I should always add that I have never been to Washington D.C so my descriptions may not be accurate. also, I may have fudged the timeline for Olivia’s promotion, but I hope you’ll forgive me.

Washington DC at sunset was a beautiful sight to behold. The lights sparkling along the Potomac River, the Washington Monument visible in the distance, the sounds of cars and the laughter of people passing by on the street below floating up to where Rafael stood, alone and somewhat forlorn, on the balcony of his posh hotel suite.

He didn’t know why he’d even agreed to this trip, but Rita had been insistent. _“It’ll be fun,”_ she’d said. But fun was more or less a foreign concept to Rafael. When he’d left New York, almost eighteen months earlier, he’d sunk into a two-month depression before taking up a teaching position at the University of Oregon Law School. His demons still haunted him, so he’d thrown himself into the job to try and escape them. He worked continuous twelve-hour days – grading, prepping lectures and seminars – without taking a single day of vacation time or sick leave. Even after the semester had ended, he’d holed himself up in his office working on next year’s agreed syllabus and researching for a paper he was writing. Rita had threatened to go to his boss if he didn’t take this impromptu break with her, so he had reluctantly agreed.

If his heart wasn't really in it, he supposed it didn't matter all that much. He would enjoy Rita’s company, wander through the streets of this city he loved nearly - but not quite - as much as New York and gaze in wonder at all the beautiful things around him and try his very best not to think of her, the one woman he wished to see more than anything.

He’d had to leave; he couldn’t stay in New York, not with the press hounding him like they were, and with his position becoming in his eyes untenable, he couldn’t stay in his job either. And why would she, Olivia Benson, want anything to do with him after what he’d done? Why would she want him anywhere near her son?

It was only after, when he was out of the smog of depression and settled in Oregon, that he realised what an idiot he had been. He’d wanted to call her, reach out, but every time he’d picked up the phone, he’d put it down again, unable to make his fingers dial. He told himself she wouldn’t want to hear from him, not after the way he’d treated her. He had cocked it all up, and there would be no putting things right between them. Not now, not after so long.

Stop this, he told himself reflexively, the way he did whenever his thoughts drifted to her. He blamed DC. He’d dreamt of bringing her here when he’d had hope they could one day be more than friends. Sharing in the history of their nation, showing Noah where history had been made. He should have never agreed to Rita’s choice of destination, he should have insisted on Miami or Cuba, or anywhere else, but Rita had been insistent, and Rafael hadn’t had the will or the energy for another argument.

To his right, he heard the sound of a door opening and closing; whoever was staying in the suite next door to his was stepping out onto their own balcony now. There were a few strategically placed potted plants on the right side of the balcony, shielding him from his neighbour’s view, for which he was very grateful. After being in the public eye for so long, and leaving it in the way he did, he found he didn’t enjoy the sensation of being watched, even by a stranger, even when he was doing something as inconsequential as staring out at the vision of the nation’s capital at sunset.

He didn’t mean to eavesdrop; it was just that the closeness of the two balconies and the balmy evening air allowed the voice of his neighbour to carry.

“Noah, be careful.”

Rafael’s heart started to race, and his stomach swooped uncomfortably as the sound of that _oh so familiar_ voice washed over him.

“I just want to see the Washington Monument, momma.”

“I know, sweet boy, but we’re very high up.”

The endearment she used to address her son confirmed for Rafael the identity of the woman in the next room. He had to close his eyes because he couldn't quite believe this was real. He ached with every fibre of his being to fling aside those damn plants and reach across the narrow chasm to where Olivia – his Olivia – stood enjoying the sights of Washington DC with Noah.

How? The word rang through his mind like a great booming bell. _Of all the gin joints in all the world, and all of that_. By some inexplicable twist of fate, Olivia was standing no more than two metres away from him, staying in the same hotel, in the room right next to his own. It was the most impossible thing in the world, and a small part of his brain began to wonder if he were having a stroke or suffering some equally cataclysmic break with reality.

Rafael took a deep breath and tried to calm his racing thoughts in order to decide how to proceed given that fate had brought him and Olivia within touching distance after all this time. Just as he was beginning to gather his thoughts and arrange them into some sort of cohesive plan, the door behind him slid open. He quickly pulled his phone from his pocket and began scrolling through messages so Rita wouldn’t question what he was doing out on the balcony

* * *

Olivia sighed and leaned against the wrought iron railing, looking out at the beauty of Washington DC. at sunset. Another holiday spent alone. She had Noah but recently, she’d found herself longing for a relationship. Someone to talk to when Noah was in bed, someone to reassure her she was doing right by her son, someone to hold her, love her.

There had been a couple of options presented to her. First Brian Cassidy had returned – again – and, although she was sorry to hear what he’d been through as a child, she knew better than to return to that relationship. It had been what she had needed the first time around, but she had outgrown Cassidy and the drama that that particular relationship brought with it.

Then there had been Peter Stone, whose advances she’d put paid to quickly – how he could ever have considered she would say yes given the circumstances with which he came into her life was beyond her. Aside from the fact that she was too old for him, he’d prosecuted her best friend and made him cry on the stand. It was never going to happen. Theirs would be a professional relationship only.

After his departure, Olivia was left facing the startling truth. Even after all this time, she couldn’t imagine herself with anyone but Rafael.

Damn him, she thought – that was her automatic go-to response whenever he came to mind. Damn him for his big, brass ego, his stubbornness, his misplaced nobility. Damn him for being the only man who held any sway over her heart, no matter how much time had passed.

When he’d left, he’d broken her heart. It wasn’t even that there would never be anything romantic between them now – you can’t really miss what you’ve never had – but that she’d lost her best friend, her confidant. He could be replaced at work, although it would never be the same, but there was no-one who could fill the gaping hole he left in her personal life.

The sound of movement to her left drew Olivia from her memories and suggested someone had stepped onto the balcony next door. A row of potted plants shielded the occupants from view but did little to muffle the sound of voices. They drifted through the air, offering Olivia a welcome distraction from morose thoughts of love and loss. She tilted her head and listened closely.

“Really, Rafael,” the woman said softly. “You're supposed to be on vacation. Put the phone away and come downstairs. You promised me dinner.”

At the sound of the name ‘Rafael’, Olivia sighed, softly, thinking of her Rafa, of all the mistakes and all the regrets and all the love and loss between them, but then the Rafael next door was speaking, and the breath froze in her lungs.

“I’m just checking my emails,” he was saying. “Why don't you go on down, and I'll join you in a few minutes.”

How? The question swirled round and round through Olivia’s mind; she reached out and clutched the railing for support, nearly undone by the sound of Rafael’s voice coming from no more than two metres away. Rafael, the man who had broken her heart when he’d left all those months ago, who had pushed her, challenged her, pressed her, made her a better detective – and he was standing just beside her, on a balcony, in their nation’s capital, at sunset on fourth of July weekend. It was so far outside the realm of possibility that Olivia was beginning to wonder if perhaps she had gone quite mad.

She glanced back at Noah, who was thankfully too distracted by the sights of the city to have noticed the familiar voice.

The woman scoffed. “Right, like that’s going to happen. You forget I know you, Rafael.” 

“Rita, please.”

Olivia didn’t know how she hadn’t recognised Rita Calhoun’s voice before, she’d listened to her conduct many a cross-examination, even been cross-examined _by_ her on several occasions. She could only put it down to not expecting to hear it on the balcony of a hotel in Washington DC.

It seemed his desperate plea was sufficient for Rita, as Olivia heard the sounds of her footsteps retreating, followed the opening and the closing of the door, and Rafael’s soft sigh of relief.

The tension that coiled within her at that moment was unlike anything Olivia had ever felt before. Her heart pounded in her chest, her blood rushing through her ears so loudly she could no longer hear the hum of the traffic below. Rafael was here, alone for the moment, and she was here, alone as well, and with each heartbeat the seconds were ticking inexorably on, the opportunity for action drifting further away.

What would he say, she wondered, if she called out to him now? Would he curse her, scorn her, throw himself at her mercy? What could she possibly say to him? How could she ever explain the grief, the sorrow, the devastation he had caused her, and the way the thought of him even now filled her heart with hope despite all the ruin that had come before? Did she dare disturb his quiet getaway?

She ushered Noah back inside, appeasing his protests by telling him he could play Angry Birds for a few minutes before bed. Whatever she decided to do, it was best Noah not be a part of it. She closed the door but a crack and watched through the glass as her son settled himself on her bed and picked up her iPad.

Turning and leaning back against the glass with a sigh, she let her thoughts return to the man standing not two metres away.

 _Maybe it would be best_ , she thought morosely, _if I just let him be._

The decision was taken out of her hands, however, because at that moment Rafael spoke.

“Liv?” he said softly.

His voice did not carry far, but then it did not need to. He was hidden behind a screen of foliage, but perhaps he, like Olivia, was wishing he could vanish it with a single thought, wanting to reach through and touch her as she longed to touch him. How he had come to realise she was standing there Olivia could not say, but in reality, she wasn't sure that it mattered.

“Rafa?” she answered.

* * *

The air was close, humid, but a gentle, refreshing breeze ruffled his hair while his heart cried out a steady beat of Olivia’s name. She was here, as impossible, as incomprehensible as that thought seemed to be, and with every second that passed Rafael wrangled with himself, certain one moment that he ought to walk away from her again and go and meet Rita and equally certain in the very next breath that if he could not reach out and touch Olivia he would surely die.

He had decided he wouldn’t speak to her, wouldn’t open up that wound again and leave her and Noah be to enjoy their vacation, but then Rita had appeared – why on earth had he given her the spare key to his room? – and he had known that Olivia must have heard his voice, as he had hers and he was unable to remain silent. It would have been one thing to slink away without her knowledge, to suggest to Rita that they find a new hotel, or to just return home, but it would be altogether cruel to turn his back on Olivia when she knew full well that he was there, and he would never want to deliberately hurt to her.

So, he had called out to her, and she to him, and now they stood, shielded from each another by a veil of greenery, only able to hear the other’s voice. Rafael yearned to break through that veil, to reach out with both hands to grasp hold of her, this woman he loved more than his own life, who meant everything to him, and yet he held himself back, knowing that he had hurt her by his actions the previous year.

“Is it really you?” Olivia’s voice floated to him, faintly muffled by the plants that hid her from view.

“It is,” he answered, wondering if she could hear the emotion, the longing, the guilt in his voice.

“This must be some sort of dream.”

He did not answer; her voice had been soft, bemused, terrified, and he was almost sure that she had only been speaking to herself, musing aloud on the strangeness of this most unexpected meeting. For his part, Rafael was inclined to agree; such a gentle, hopeful coincidence did not seem to be the sort of blessing bestowed upon mortal men. He was half-convinced that soon he must surely wake to find himself back in his bed in Oregon the soft sound of her voice fading away as he blinked his eyes and reality asserted itself once more.

But the seconds passed, and no such awakening came. She lingered with him here, in this moment so full of beautiful promise and terrible consequence. He wanted, more than anything, to see her, to gaze upon her face, to look into her eyes, those eyes that had always been so expressive, so full of compassion for the victims she fought for.

When he couldn’t stand the silence anymore, he asked. “What brings you to D.C?”

“Noah. He’s been learning about in school. Wanted to come and see it all for himself.”

“Ah. How have you been?”

“Alright, I guess. You?”

“I…”

“Rafa?” she prompted, scared for a moment he’d left again.

“Can… Can we talk, properly… face to face?”

Olivia drew in a sharp breath at his words and her heart, battered and broken though it was, leapt in her chest, at the chance the two of them could sort this out and find their way back to each other. But she was afraid too. What if seeing each other, talking just widened the void that now lay between them.

Seconds passed, Rafael’s whole world shifting and swaying; hanging in the balance as Olivia deliberated with herself. He considered that maybe he really had blown everything and that she had retreated inside.

“I have Noah...” she said. “I can’t just…” She inwardly cursed herself for her sudden inability to finish a sentence. She was never normally like this but being reunited with Rafael had knocked her off balance.

“I can wait until he’s asleep,” Rafael offered, knowing he’d wait forever for her if she asked him too. “I’ll leave my side of the adjoining door unlocked and you can slip through whenever you’re ready. If we leave them open, you’ll still be able to hear him if he wakes.”

She smiled involuntarily at his thoughtfulness.

“Okay. Once Noah is asleep,” she agreed.

He heard the opening of her balcony door as she slipped once more into her suite and he stood frozen in the warm, night air. Shortly, he was going to be reunited with the woman who had opened his heart and brought colour to his life – colours that had become muted since he left her – and he was going to have to try and explain his actions. What the hell was he going to say to her?

His phone vibrating in his hand jolted him out of his musings. He glanced down. It was a text from Rita.

_Where the hell are you?_

Rafael sighed. He’d been so caught up by hearing Olivia’s voice, he’d forgotten he was supposed to meet Rita downstairs for dinner. He knew if he didn’t reply she would come looking for him, and the last thing he needed was for her to prevent or disturb his time with Olivia. He clicked reply and typed out a quick message.

_Still upstairs. I’m not coming.  
I just don’t feel up to company tonight.  
Sorry. I’ll make it up to you._

Her reply was almost instantaneous.

_Do you need an intervention?_

An _intervention_. That was what she had called it when she flew out to Oregon to drag him out of his depression. He wasn’t sure her approach would be certified by any psychologist though. After finding him drunk in the middle of the day, surrounded by half-eaten containers of take-out and a few too many empty bottles of scotch she had dragged his arse off the couch and frogmarched him into the shower. A cold shower. Fully clothed. He remembered being taken aback by her strength as he stumbled into the shower stall, but then remembered that she spent most of her free time in the gym.

 _No, no. I’m okay. Just tired. Jet-lagged.  
I’ll be fine tomorrow_.  
 _I’ll just order room service and  
watch some TV_

Giving her the impression that he had a plan and was taking care of himself should keep her at bay until at least the morning, but nevertheless, after unlocking the door that connected his and Olivia’s rooms, he flipped the deadbolt on the main door, just in case Rita should come looking and sat down on the bed to await Olivia’s arrival.

* * *

Olivia’s heart was racing as she stepped once more into her room, her thoughts awhirl with Rafa. Rafael who she loved but was angry with. Rafael who remained the only man who had ever truly understood her. She wasn’t one hundred per cent sure about going over there but knew she couldn’t back out now. Not with him.

She supposed she would at least get some closure if she faced him and spoke her piece. She needed to look him in the eye and tell him all the things she'd held back before. She needed him to know how he had wounded her that day, that day he'd looked in her eyes and said he had to _move on_ and walked away. That she’d been waiting for him to say he loved her, to give her the opening she needed to be able to say the same to him. She needed to apologise too, for letting him go. She should have gone after him, pleaded with him to stay, but she hadn’t. If he believed that leaving the city was what he needed to help him heal, how could she have stood in the way of that? But she honestly hadn’t imagined that he would disappear from her life without a trace. No texts, no calls, not even a postcard. Nothing.

But there was the small matter of getting an overexcited almost seven-year-old to sleep first. Noah was lying on his front, on her bed with the iPad far too close to his face, utterly oblivious to what had just transpired on the balcony and the whirlwind of emotions that gripped his mother.

“Time for bed, sweet boy.”

“Awww, but Mom!”

“No buts, mister. You want to be rested for tomorrow so we can see all the sights, right?” He’d asked to visit the capital after learning about it at school.

“Yeah, but...” Further protests died on his lips at his mother’s pointed look. Sighing, he put the iPad down and got to his feet. He crossed the room to his own bed and threw back the covers.

“Good boy.” After admitting to her that the other boys at school had been asking questions about his dad and the two of them talking it through, his behaviour had improved dramatically. He still had the occasional sulk, like any child, but showed nowhere near the same level of disrespect to her. His anger had dissipated too.

She tucked her son in, Eddie the Elephant by his side and, after turning down the lights, placed a gentle kiss to his forehead. She sat quietly by his bedside until his breathing began to even out and then, turning the deadbolt on the door, she began rummaging through her suitcase. If she was going to see Rafael for the first time in seventeen months, she wasn’t going to do it in sweats and a hoodie.

After deliberating for almost fifteen minutes, she finally settled on a pair of tight, black jeans and a red, sleeveless blouse before retreating to the bathroom where she spritzed her hair with some dry-shampoo and pulled it back in a messy bun at the nape of her neck before touching up her make-up. Returning to the room, she checked on Noah and found him sprawled out like a starfish, sound asleep. She watched the rhythmic rise and fall of his chest while gathering her courage to make her way next door.

She knew she couldn’t put it off for much longer, so she stood and crossed the room.

At the adjoining door, she paused, her hand hovering just inches from the handle. She took a breath, squared her shoulders and unlocked her side of the connecting door. His side was openas he'd said it would be, and so, trying valiantly to still the trembling of her hands, she opened her side and stepped through.

* * *

For a moment, Olivia stood frozen, rooted to the spot as she stared at Rafael, and he at her. It had been a long time, such a long time, since she’d last seen him, and though she'd known it would be devastating, she was wholly unprepared for the torrent of emotions that gripped her at the sight of his face.

Her eyes roved over his figure, the white shirt he wore open at the collar with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, his grey slacks. He was in his stocking feet and a part of her was pleased to see his taste in socks hadn’t mellowed over the months they’d been apart. She studied his face, the trepidation in his soft, warm eyes, the way his hand twitched down by his side as if he longed to reach out to her, the way he studied her as intently as she studied him.

Was he feeling anything like what she was? Was he half as conflicted as she, torn between longing and fear, wanting to run and wanting to linger, wanting to shout and wanting to weep?

Panic began to set in, manifesting in the trembling of her hands, the racing of her heart, the sharp catch of her breath. Rafael could see it, too, she realised; he’d discerned where her thoughts had gone. He always could read her. Even as she took an involuntary step backwards, he stepped towards her.

“Liv,” he croaked, his voice raw.

“I’m not sure this is a good idea,” she told him softly.

He smiled sadly. “Maybe not,” he said. “But you’re here now. At least hear me out? Please?”

She took another steadying breath. “Okay.”

Rafael gestured to one of the two chairs in the corner of the room. If they were going to hash out what had happened, they should at least be comfortable. She could ask her questions – he was sure she had many – and he would answer them. He hoped he would get to ask a few questions of his own, about her life now, about Noah.

He could scarcely believe she was here. That he was sitting with her at the little table in the corner of his hotel room. She was more beautiful than he remembered. The last time he'd seen her, her eyes had been full of compassion, remorse and, above all, hurt. And he had berated himself time and again for being the cause. Now though, they were brimming with curiosity, concern and more than a little trepidation.

The silence dragged for a few moments before she finally spoke. “So… you’re here?” He nodded. “How?”

“Rita. She thought I needed a break.”

“You didn’t agree?”

“Not really.” He offered a slight shrug. “But you know Rita, she can be quite persuasive when she wants to be.”

“Right. Are you and she…?” Olivia waved a hand in the air. She knew they’d been at Harvard together, but she’d never really understood the relationship between the two lawyers. They could fight like cat and dog in the courtroom but then share a drink in a bar after, as if nothing had happened. And now they were here, together. Perhaps once they stopped facing off against each other, something had changed.

“God no!” He couldn’t help the chuckle that bubbled up in his throat. “She’s a friend – a damn annoying one, but a friend, nonetheless. One of the few I have left.”

She was about to tell him that wouldn’t be the case if he hadn’t just upped and left, but she found herself floored by his next words.

“There’s only one woman I want,” he said softly, “and I’ve missed her every day for the past seventeen months.”

“God, Rafa…” She stood and began pacing in front of his balcony door. “You can’t just turn up out of the blue and say something like that.”

“In my defence, I didn’t turn up anywhere.” He hadn’t meant to bare his soul so early on in the conversation, but when she’d suggested he could have been with Rita, he hadn’t been able to stop himself. “Although it is kind of ironic if you think about it…”

His attempt at humour fell flat as Olivia spun to face him, her eyes flashing. Perhaps it had been foolish of him to lay all of his cards on the table so soon into this conversation

“Liv-”

“Don’t you ‘Liv’ me!” she bristled. There were so many emotions swirling inside her chest she could hardly name them all. “You left. You left me. You left me standing there in the middle of the street after telling me how I’d opened your heart and made you see colours.” The anger in her eyes had quickly dissipated, replaced by tears as she was transported back to that February afternoon. She tried desperately to blink them away – not wanting to cry in front of him – but it was no use, the emotion was obvious as her voice cracked. “How could you just walk away like that Rafa? From me? From Noah?”

At first, Rafael sat there, taking the verbal assault Olivia threw at him. It was no less than he deserved. He knew that. But when her voice cracked, he couldn’t remain a passive listener any longer. He had to speak up. Try to explain.

He stood. “I know. I’m sorry.” He crossed to her, stepping the two paces slowly, hesitantly. He reached for her, but thought better of it at the last moment, his hands hovering in mid-air between them. “I couldn’t stay in New York, not after happened. But I could have handled it better. I _should_ have handled it better.”

Olivia nodded. “Yes, you should have.”

“I know.” He rubbed a hand over his face. “I… I was in a dark place Liv. You wouldn’t have wanted to be around me, and you certainly wouldn’t have wanted Noah around me.”

“How could you possibly know that? You didn’t give me a choice!” She shook her head. “This was a bad idea,” she said, making for the door.

This time there was no hesitation when Rafael reached out to stop her. He'd only meant to catch hold of her wrist, but somehow, wound up holding her hand.

The warmth of her skin sent an electric shock through him, a thousand memories far more pleasant than the ones they were making on this night, flooding through his mind at once. For her part, Olivia froze mid-step, her gaze flickering down to where his palm pressed against hers.

“Please,” he begged. “There are so many things I need to say to you.”

Her expression was pained, but she did not try to pull away from him. He tugged gently on her hand and she allowed herself to be led back to the table. He sat and she retook the seat opposite him, resting her arms on the table.

“The truth is – and I know you’ll hate this – but I left to protect you. When I said I was in a bad place, I wasn’t lying. I spent those first couple of months in a deep, deep depression, fuelled by scotch. I slept for most of the day, only waking up to eat crap or throw things. It was like there was a war going on in my head between guilt and anger.”

“You could have stayed,” she insisted. “I would have helped you.”

He gave her a soft smile. Her caring nature was one of the many things he loved about her. “I know. But I couldn’t let you. I would have either pulled you down with me or destroyed our friendship.”

“Yeah, because leaving did a great job of maintaining it.”

He bristled slightly at her mocking tone. “Trust me, if I’d stayed, you’d have been a hell of lot angrier with me than you are now.”

“You seem pretty confident about that.”

“I am. You’ve got to trust me on this, Liv. It was better for you and Noah that I left. But, in hindsight, I shouldn’t have cut myself off completely. I had to get a new phone – the press were hounding me – but I should have given you my new number. I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you.”

Across the table from him, Olivia nodded as she took in his apology. “Why didn’t you get in touch when you were… better?”

“When I finally began to see things clearly again, I realised what a complete bastard I’d been, and I convinced myself you wouldn’t want to see me ever again. I did want to call; birthdays, Christmas, when you were promoted.” He smiled proudly. “Congratulations on that by the way, _Captain_.”

“Thanks. I’m still adjusting but it’s… it’s good.”

“It’s no less than you deserve.”

“So why didn’t you… call, I mean?”

He should have known she wouldn’t let him change the subject. Running his hand through his hair, he stood. “I need a drink.”

He turned to the mini-bar behind him and pulled out two scotch miniatures. He reached for a couple of glasses and put them and one of the bottles on the table. Unscrewing the cap of the other, he moved to pour but Olivia placed her hand over the glasses.

He raised his eyebrow and she had to resist the urge to roll her eyes. “You just admitted to being in an alcohol-fuelled depression for two months.”

“I’m not dependant, don’t worry.”

She looked at him for a few more moments before removing her hand. He poured both drinks and slid one across the table to her.

“So?” She gave him a pointed look, still pressing for an answer to her question.

Rafael sighed. “No matter how hard I tried; I just couldn’t make my fingers dial the number. Rafael sighed. “Basically, I was a coward. And I wish I could say that eventually I would have found the courage, but I honestly don’t know that I would have.”

“So, if tonight hadn’t happened...”

“But it did.” His hand moved across the dark wood, his fingertips grazing her forearm. “Call it fate, karma, destiny, whatever you like, but we’re here now. Maybe we can start over? Rebuild our friendship?”

“I’d like that,” she nodded. Seeing him again, hearing how he had struggled after leaving New York, hearing his apology, had allowed the residual hurt to dissipate leaving behind a longing to reconnect with him. “So, what are you up to now?” she asked.

“Teaching. University of Oregon.”

Her eyes widened momentarily before her gaze dropped to her hands, clasped on the tabletop. “That’s… quite the distance,” she sighed. “You really did move on.”

He shrugged. “I don’t know about that. Turns out, you can move job, you can move location – to the other side of the country even but moving on is a lot harder to do.”

He moved his hand to take hers and then stood, moving around the table and pulling her to her feet

“There’s something I need to say, Liv. Something I should have said outside the courthouse. I promised myself that if I ever saw you again, I wouldn’t hesitate. I know it might not be what you want, or need, to hear right now but I have to say it. And I am prepared for whatever reaction you may have.”

“Rafa…”

Standing so close to her, he could smell her perfume. He couldn't stop himself from reaching out. His hand moved beneath her hair to cup the back of her neck. Rafael drew her closer and bent his head until their foreheads were resting together. “I love you. I’ve can’t remember a time when I didn’t love you. I don’t think I’ll ever stop loving you.”

He closed the gap between them, his hands tangling in her hair as their lips touched and he swallowed the sound of her gasp. She hesitated, but only for an instant. Just as he began to draw away from her, certain he had ruined everything between them, she cupped his face in her hands and deepened the kiss.

They kissed as they’d wanted to for years, with all the desire and passion that they had been holding back out of fear and the complicated nature of their working relationship.

It ended as quickly as it began. Rafael let go of her and stepped back. His eyes were dark and his breathing was fast. “I… uh… I guess I wasn’t prepared for that.”

“Why not?” Olivia questioned. “Surely you knew how I felt about you?”

“N-no, I…” He ran a hand through his hair. “We were friends, I never imagined you’d see me as anything more.”

“We were friends. Somewhere along the line, you became my best friend. I'm not sure when, or exactly how, and I don't care. You're in my heart, Rafa.”

“Still?” He searched her eyes. It wasn’t lost on him that she’d spoken in the past tense not moments ago.

She moved back into his space, pulled her teeth across her bottom lip and gazed up at him. “Always.”

He stared at her, unable to speak for a moment before reaching for her again, but this time his hands ghosted along her arms, fingers barely touching, until they reached her hips. He drew her forward. “So, what now?”

Her hands lifted to his chest. Olivia leaned closer and tipped her head back. “Rafa, I love you. I do. And there’s nothing more I want than to jump into this feet first…”

“But…”

“But there’s not just me to consider. I have to think about Noah. I can’t have you come back into our lives and then walk away again.”

He cupped her chin and tipped her face up. “I'm not going to walk away again. I don't have it in me. It was hard enough the first time. I don’t know how we’ll work the Oregon-New York thing, but if you want to do this, then I’m all in."

Olivia looked down for a moment. When she lifted her gaze again, her eyes were sparkling. “Yes.”

Rafael captured her mouth again, this time the kiss much softer. It lingered, a slow slide of lips and tongue, but no less passionate than their earlier kiss. As it ended, his lips moved across her cheek, to her temple, and finally he kissed the tip of her nose. “Okay then. Let’s sit down and talk…”

* * *

As morning came upon them, Rafael woke with Olivia pressed against him. They had ordered dinner and talked into the night, ignoring fatigue and leaving no questions unanswered. It was important to make sure that they both knew where they stood with each other, and where it was that they both wanted this relationship to go. When sleep could no longer be avoided, Olivia took his hand and drew him with her to her room. Somehow, lying down with Olivia in his arms, felt more intimate than making love would have been. It was not what he had imagined having her in his bed that first time would be like, but holding her as they had both drifted into the exhaustion that settled upon them wasn't a bad way to end the day.

They had moved during the night. Rafael had rolled onto his side, as was his habit. He found Olivia nestled against him, snuggled into his back. Somehow that didn't surprise him as much as he thought that it would. It was cool in the room and Olivia always got cold easily, while he always slept hot.

When he eased away from her, she sighed and moved closer. Her hand moved up his back and curled into his shirt. He moved slowly, not wanting to wake her, and managed to slide out of her reach. Rafael sat up on the edge of the bed and watched as she shifted into the place that he left behind. Her face was buried in the pillow, hair obscuring his view.

He pulled the blankets up and covered her as he rose, padding across to the connecting door. He’d just reached for the handle when he heard a sleepy voice behind

“Uncle Rafa?”

He turned to find Noah at up in his bed, rubbing at his eyes.

“Hi Noah.”

Noah shuffled forward and slid off the bed, before running towards his uncle. He wrapped his arms around Rafael and held on tight. “You’re here! I missed you.”

“I missed you too, _amigo_.”

Rafael glanced back at Olivia. He didn't want to wake her. Not yet, not with how little sleep they’d gotten. He scooped Noah up in his arm with a slight groan - the boy had grown in the last eighteen months and Rafael’s stomach churned thinking of all the time he’d missed with him. He carried him through the connecting door into his hotel room. He deposited Noah on the edge of his bed and the little boy shuffled into the middle, leaning back against the headboard.

“Did you come to go sightseeing with us?”

“I…”

“We’re gonna see the Washington Monument, The Jefferson Memorial, The Lincoln Memorial, The Capitol, The White House. And tonight we'll watch the fireworks! Oh, and we'll go to the zoo. Momma says there aren’t any elephants and I don’t know if there’s penguins,” he continued, remembering his uncle’s favourite animal, “but it’ll still be fun.”

“I’m sure it will be,” Rafael agreed. While he and Olivia had spoken about the future the previous evening, she hadn’t explicitly invited him to spend the day with them today. He would love to explore D.C with them but didn’t want to promise the boy, if that wasn’t in Olivia’s plans.

Rafael reached for the remote and turned the television on. He searched until he found a channel that was playing cartoons. He kept the volume low and settled on the bed next to Noah, who shuffled closer to him and wiggled around until he was comfortable, laying his head against Rafael’s shoulder.

* * *

Olivia woke to an empty bed. The space beside her was cool to the touch. She lifted her head and looked around the room. There was no sign of Rafael and Noah’s bed was empty! Olivia felt her heart drop. Air rushed out of her lungs in a ragged gasp as she shot to a sitting position.

“Noah?!” She stood, pulling on her robe as she shouted for her son. “Noah?!”

Within seconds, Rafael appeared in the connecting doorway. “It’s okay. I’ve got him.” His heart broke at the look of panic on her face. He didn’t realise the scars from Noah’s kidnapping at the hands of his biological grandmother would still be so fresh.

Olivia rushed past him into the other room. She wanted to sob with relief as she saw her son snuggled under Rafael’s bed covers, fixated on the cartoon playing on the television.

Rafael stepped behind her and slipped his arms around her waist. Pulling her back against the solid wall of his chest, he spoke softly. “He’s okay.” His lips found the bare skin of her collarbone, where he robe had fallen open. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think. He woke up, saw me and had questions. I wanted to let you sleep, so I brought him through here.”

“That’s sweet. I just panicked when he wasn’t in his bed. Most of the time I’m fine but…”

“You’re in an unfamiliar place; it’s bound to put you more on edge.”

She turned in the circle of him arms. “I know you’d never hurt him, Rafa. In my sleep-addled state I just didn’t think that he’d be with you.”

“All in, remember?”

She nodded. “All in.” She moved her arms around his neck and rose onto the balls of her feet to touch her lips to his. She smiled into the kiss.

“Momma! You’re up!”

They separated at the sound of her son’s voice. Olivia touched Rafael’s face and smiled gently before turning her attention to Noah. He was watching them, head tilted a little, but he didn’t seem fazed by the sight of his mom kissing his uncle Rafa.

She stepped out of Rafael’s arms and towards Noah. She leaned over and ran her hand over his unruly curls, trying to tame them. She dropped a kiss to his head. “Good morning, sweet boy.”

“Uncle Rafa’s going to come see D.C. with us,” Noah told her with confidence.

“Is he?” Olivia turned to Rafael.

“Only if you want me to.” He flashed her a bashful, half-smile.

“You’re silly, Uncle Rafa. Of course we want you to,” interjected Noah, before turning his attention back to the antics of Spongebob Squarepants. 

“Liv?”

“Rita won’t mind?”

He shrugged. “She’ll get over it.”

She walked towards him and lay a hand on his arm. She looked up at him; there was a soft smile at her lips and her eyes were dancing in the soft light streaming in through the window. “Well then, we’d love you to join us.”

He lay his free hand over hers. “Why don’t I keep an eye on Noah while you grab a shower?” he suggested. Then he could shower while she was getting dressed; that way, Noah would have constant supervision. Hopefully, that would relieve any residual panic from earlier.

Olivia nodded. “You want to order breakfast, or shall we go out?”

“I want blueberry pancakes!” Noah piped up.

“I think we can do that, _amigo_ ,” Rafael assured. “There’s got to be an IHOP around here somewhere.” He turned to Olivia. “Go shower.”

“You get him all hopped up on sugar, you can deal with him when he goes crazy,” Olivia warned with a smile as she stepped through the connecting door back to her room.

An hour later, they stepped out into the hotel hallway. Rafael wore a button down polo and light khaki shorts – a sight that had surprised Olivia when he’d returned to her room. She was struggling to keep her gaze in check – the man had very nice legs. Rafael had similar problems with Olivia’s choice of clothing. She looked amazing in the grey linen pants and a white, figure hugging tank top with her sunglasses perched on her head. Noah also looked summery in denim shorts and a blue t-shirt emblazoned with elephants. His favourite elephant, Eddie, was tucked away safely in his back pack.

“Ready to go, sweet boy?” Olivia asked as she tightened his red hoodie around his waist.

“Yeah!” He took the hands of both adults, swinging them as they headed toward the elevator. Rafael pushed the call button and chuckled at Noah talking a mile-a-minute about all the things they were going to see that day.

Moments later, the elevator doors opened and out stepped Rita, carrying two cups of coffee and a brown paper bag.

“Captain Benson?”

“Rita.”

The lawyer raised an eyebrow at Rafael, a small smirk playing at her lips. “Well, this certainly explains your cryptic message.”

He’d text her while Olivia was in the shower apologising and begging off whatever excursions she’d planned for the day. Worried that he was hiding from his feelings again, she was prepared to stage another intervention and drag him kicking and screaming from his room if necessary.

Ignoring the look on his friend’s face, he reached for one of the coffee cups, asking “Is this for me?” before taking a sip to claim it anyway.

Noah was looking between the three adults with interest.

“Noah, this is Ms Calhoun,” she explained, noticing the look on her son’s face. “She’s a friend of Uncle Rafa’s.”

“Hi.”

Rita looked down at the boy. She wasn’t really one for children, but she supposed he was kind of cute. “Hello. You look set for an exciting day of exploring.”

He nodded. “We’re going to see everything!” He paused for a moment. “Would you like to come with us?”

Olivia and Rafael shared a look of mild horror over Noah’s head. One that didn’t go unnoticed by Rita.

“That’s very kind, Noah but I’m afraid I’ll have to pass. I need to head home.”

“We only arrived yesterday,” observed Rafael. 

“Something has come up,” she told them. “I need to get back to the office.”

Rafael narrowed his eyes. "On fourth of July weekend?"

She shrugged. "It's important."

“Well, we shouldn’t keep you then.” Olivia let go of Noah’s hand and stepped around Rita, pressing the button again for the now departed elevator. “It was nice to see you, Rita.”

“You too, Captain. Enjoy your day, Noah, make sure you take lots of photos.” She put a hand on Rafael’s shoulder and leaned in to whisper in his ear. “Look’s like you’ve been given a second chance. Don’t mess it up,” before stepping away.

Rita watched her friend step into the elevator, one hand at the small of Olivia’s back and the other clutching Noah’s. She smiled as the door closed and pulled out her phone. Unlocking it, she pulled up the most recent message conversation and typed away.

_Mission accomplished. :)_

She walked toward her room to pack, while she waited for a response. It came just as she opened the door.

_Wow that was fast!  
I thought it would take  
longer for her to forgive him._

Rita rolled her eyes at her boyfriend’s response. When he’d told her Olivia was leaving him in charge of the squad to take Noah to Washington, an idea had been planted in her brain. He agreed with her that their respective friends would be good together but had been worried – Rafael had hurt Olivia by leaving and he didn’t want to see that happen again. Consequently, it had taken a lot of persuasion and reassurance on her part for him to give her Olivia’s hotel information, and even more when she’d had him call and, using his NYPD credentials, find out which room Olivia would be staying in so she could book Rafael into the adjoining one. He was still uneasy about the whole thing, telling her, _‘I hope you know what you’re doing,’_ as he kissed her goodbye that morning.

_I told you. He’s truly sorry.  
She must have seen that.  
Anyway, my work here is done so  
I’m going to head home  
You busy tonight?_

She pulled her overnight bag from the hotel closet and began re-packing the few items she’d taken out last night. She had always planned to go home once Olivia and Rafael had pulled their heads out of their asses so hadn’t unpacked too much, but even she was surprised at the speed it had happened. And that she hadn’t had to involve herself directly. She had been ready to lock them in a room together until they hashed everything out but was relieved that hadn’t been necessary. Rafael didn’t like her meddling in his life, plus she hadn’t been too thrilled at the prospect of watching Noah in that situation.

_Was just going to have a gaming night  
and maybe catch the fireworks but I’d much  
prefer to make some fireworks of our own, baby._   
_Let me know what time you’re getting in._   
_I’ll pick you up._

She began to compose a reply when another message arrived, this time from Rafael.

_Don’t think I don’t know you  
had something to do with this._

‘Well, that didn’t take him long,’ she thought. It seemed his deductive reasoning skills hadn’t been diminished by his lack of time in a court room.

_You should be thanking me.  
It doesn’t take a Harvard degree  
to see you two need each other. _

She’d almost written _‘you two belong together’_ but that was a little too Hallmark for her, even if she was herself happily involved with someone. It was relatively new and currently being kept on the down-low but, for the first time in a long while, she felt she was on the right track with her romantic life. She retrieved her toothbrush and other necessities from the from the bathroom and added them to her bag before checking her phone again.

_Well, as you’re so keen to see  
this work out, I can only assume  
you’re volunteering to babysit so  
I can take Liv out sometime._

‘Not a chance,’ was her first thought, but it took her a couple of minutes to come up with a response he couldn’t argue with.

_I doubt Olivia will want to leave  
her son with someone who knows  
nothing about kids._

Rita picked up her bag, threw a light jacket over her arm and walked out of the room, keen to get to the train station and back to Manhattan. She was in the elevator when Rafael’s reply came through and proved that his ability to win an argument was also still as good as it had been when he was ADA. 

_Fin has a grandson and he_   
_knows Noah. Liv’ll be fine when_   
_she finds out he’ll be helping you…_

Rita leaned her head back against the mirrored wall and groaned.


End file.
